fear of the unknown.

how do you explain something you don't understand?

sometimes, you think you're safe until suddenly, you can no longer plead ignorance.





i typed an entire entry as a response to what was a thinly veiled post addressed to me.

i was about to click publish post, to put it up.

then i realised how public this is, 'publishing'.

its not for anyone else,

its for you.

hence, its addressed to you, in your mailbox.

let's be nice, please?

under pressure

girls on graduation:
insert name of any female: so what you wearing ah? oh i guess like a dress, maybe sleeveless, you think can ah? oh should be fine lah, i wearing one shoulder leh. har? who say slacks? serious ah? what's the dress code wor? formal? formal got a lot of types one leh, got dinner formal, function formal, conference formal, formal formal, semi formal...which one leh? will it look good with the robes? robes until the shin right? are you bringing a clutch........

guys on graduation:
girls: eh qi, what you wearing for graduation ah? uh, graduation robes? haiyo under the robes lah. underwear? omg between the underwear and the robes?!?

oh. some clothes i guess.

we are SO amusing.


ps: seperate note, thanks for all the nice comments about my story, paiseh la. its not that great lah! but i thought i should mention, i meant for it to end like guy dies to save girl, and girl dies to save guy, so neither of them managed to save each other, and therefore life is such an ironic tragedy. but i didn't have enough time so girl didn't get to die.

I got the reason to be roamin' out the coverage area

today, i saw some ants roaming my desk. so i tapped the table, so they'd know i was here and make a run for it. (i don't like killing ants, they're so helpless its unfair, besides they leave a bad smell) so as expected they traveled superspeed, trailing their own scents in circles trying to get back to their colony.

and then, you know how two ants like, connect with each other, antennae to antennae?








i saw 3 ants connect with one ant, which wasn't moving. then i realized that ant was semi-squashed and couldn't move. they seemed to come to some agreement and 2 of the 3 ants sped off, leaving one ant with the immobile semi squashed ant.

then with my own eyes, i watched the remaining ant drag the immobile ant by its hind legs, trail its own scent, all the way back to their colony. rescuing her sister in the midst of panic.

no ant left behind.




i've always had some kind of. respect for ants.













needless to say they're constantly on the move, they just never stop. they move in swarms, conquer in armies.

we kill ants like nobody's business, and we forget they're life forms too. every single one has a life, a history, a future.

who are we to put an end to that? what, cos we're bigger?

the next time you see a swarm of ants some place you don't want, don't just kill them, they're just doing their job. bang the table or something, give them a little earthquake and a chance to run. not moving fast enough? blow them away. see an ant drowning? scoop it up and let it go. let and let live.

maybe then when god one day decides to reach down his giant colony with his thumb to kill us all, he might just decide to miss you.



no i'm not some hippie. i just respect ants. you should too!

the show must go on

so i don't normally do the 'so this is how my day went' kinda post, i don't see anyone getting the kicks out of 'wake up go school come back sleep' but this is a semi that kinda post about last night cos i find it rather amusing :D


so last night i came back about slightly before 11. mom complained she was having food poisoning and being a pain about it so i had to go clinic to clinic looking for charcoal. and i found it and am therefore triumphant because you don't get to buy medicine at clinics without the patient seeing the doctor and


omg dad just did a boogie. dance. something. scarred for life.


-anyway yeah i had to like ask for it with a big smile before someone sold it to me. sales and marketing, suck that!

then we came home dad and i got on our comps and suddenly bu4 totally blacked out.

no electricity = no computer = boredom.
boredom = sleep but no electricity = no aircond therefore
no electricity = no sleep

so having nothing to do (and being very puteri lilin) dad and i decided to go out, at least car got aircond. went to the usual rental place to get some movies and came back.

still no electricity.

so we went back out to get a drink. 3 teh o ais limaus later, came back at quarter to 1.

still no electricity.

i was supposed to have school the following day.

so i went in the house, took 3 pillows, and we crashed in the car :D




until around 2a.m. when the electricity came back on :D

and i wagged school this morning. there's your story nic, sorry!

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speaking of, twice my height and half my weight otherwise known as nicola tang is a new member of the blogosphere, first post mentions yours truly :)

extract from http://mysilverbittersweetlining.blogspot.com/


you're not lost. you're just undiscovered. you have so many awesome things you wanna do. you have too many choices. thats why you cant decide. ***
the best part about getting lost. IS THAT YOU ALWAYS FIND YOUR WAY BACK. WITH THE GUIDANCE OF LAME FRIENDS THAT IS (: AND THAT YOU DISCOVER YOURSELF. YOU BECOME AN ADVENTURER (:


wow, thank you sweetie :D i really hope you're right.


because not knowing drives you freaking mad, i tell you.


i want so much, and i get so little, right?

right now i want a muffin.




random: FREDDIE MERCURY, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE :( :( :( :( :(























fuck you aids, seriously, get lost!

i want more than words can describe.

extract from jason mraz's blog, freshnessfactorfivethousand.blogspot.com: letters from lexiphania

Dear Good Lady Friday,

I slept at the studio last night. The couch was too short and a backwards jacket my only blanket. It was too late when I got back from the gig to try and make the trip home. The night before George had been mugged so the thought wasn’t tempting. I slept between the keyboards and the guitars, the number 23 bus route, and the cleaning staff that showed up around 6am and cleaned around me.

I knew you wanted something from the bar last night, so I ordered it. But you never came, so I drank it. I played a short set last night. I knew you ‘d have some requests. And though you never came, I still sang them.

Today I feel dirty and my hair confused, but in a romantic Neal Cassidy kind of way. I’ll have to rock the same socks and jocks as yesterday all for the love of you and the game. I can hide my shame under my hat while an old toothbrush takes me back. That’s close enough for jazz and good enough for rock and roll.

It was only a Thursday after all. You didn’t miss anything. I only missed you.

-m



pretty in the most heartbreaking way, isn't it? every little thought that gets transferred to words by this guy will turn out pretty damn beautiful.


kinda makes you wanna be the person he's talking about, because she is SO damned privileged.



i want companionship. i want comfort, but i want adventure. i want tireless fun, endless laughs. i want drunk happiness, i want sober maturity. i want understanding, i want peace, i want easy. i want substance, not form. i want inside jokes and a world to share with one person and one person only. i want.





all or nothing. that is how i want it to be.





















introducing liu bolin, contemporary artist from China, a.k.a. the invisible man. kinda mindblowing.

if you're not scared, you're not paying attention.

-miranda bailey




















it never hit me before but spm really is coming. i'm not ready, and i'm terrified of the consequeces, and yet i don't seem to be able to do anything about it. what is wrong with me? i need help :(

















anyone?

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2009 spm trial paper, english essay:

i knew i had only three months left to live...

I knew I had 3 months left to live.

I knew I had 2 problems. One, in 92 days, my heart would stop. Two, I was about to leave behind the love of my life, and he has no idea what is about to happen.

I knew I had one thing left to do.

* * *

' I have good news,' said Dr. Parker as she entered the room with a smile that couldn't hide the sadness in her eyes.

He held his breath, knowing what was coming but not daring to believe it, afraid he might burst his own bubble.

'It's a perfect match, congratulations John,' said Dr Parker.

He exhaled with relief and smiled. Life really is a play of irony. Everything falls into place, just when you're about to leave the scene. He thanked the doctor, saying, as he walked towards the door that he will see her again next week, at the same time.

'Don't you dare appear any sooner,' she said, as he closed the door to her office.

He looked up the second the hospital ceiling was replaced with blue sky. The sun was a brilliant, blazing ball, the clouds painted the sky in still pictures of rolling waves. The glare burned into the back of his eyes. He liked watching skies. It was a recent habit he'd acquired, to make up for all the times he kept his eyes down, ignoring the passing opportunites, thinking what he had was everything he needed. And it was, too. He had a job he loved, a Porsche that turned heads, even a golden retriever. Most of all, he had Anna.

Anna. He closed his eyes and felt a smile bubbling from within. Anna and John, who would've thought it would happen? They were both such free spirits, neither had ever needed anyone else, until they met each other. They were the most unlikely people to become an item, but that only made it more endearing to him.

She thinks she only has three months left to live.

The thing is, he only had 2 months left before he would go completely blind. And he didn't plan on living without her, his vision or his independence. All or nothing, that was how he did things. This was no different.

The one thing left for John to do: to prove Anna wrong.

* * *

When they say what you never know won't hurt you, they have no idea what they're talking about. I would say 'what you never know won't hurt you, just yet.'

Ever since I found out about my failing heart, my thoughts were only of John. I didn't want to leave him, I knew it would break him. He needed me but would never admit it, just like I would never admit that I was the one who threw his cactus through his window. I wanted to leave without him ever knowing of my dying, this is the one secret I would do anything to keep.

Until I found out his secret – he was going blind. I didn't know when, but I knew it was soon.

I've been there for him in life, why not in death?

* * *

Their favourite song was on the radio, 'If' by Bread. John smiled and sang along, every line a new revelation, although he'd heard it a thousand times. The car was parked in the woods by the lke they once swam in. John looked out across the lake with its reflection of a distorted moon bobbing up and down...up and down...its lines beginning to blur...

“then one by one, the stars would all go out; then you and I would simply fly away...”

John closed his eyes, and pressed the 'send' button on his mobile, the last thing he did with his last breath.

* * *

I am in my car, 1 kilometre away from the cliff. When I pass the signboard, I will let go of the wheel, and put my hands over my eyes, the only part of me that will be saved, to save another. Gruesome as it sounds, I find the thought calming. This body will fail me soon, if it gives John the opportunity to have his body at its best, I would gladly give it up for him.

Which is why I'm here, my foot on the pedal, my eyes on the road, my mind determined and everything is going as planned...when the phone rings.

My foot slams on the brake without thinking. I pick up the phone.

It's Dr Parker.

I have a heart donor.

She doesn't have to say it, it hangs in the silences, a fruit too ripe. The heart is John's.

He knew my secret all along...just like I knew his.

Tears rolling down my cheeks, I back away from the cliff in acceptance.

END.

46/50 :D i hardly write stories, so yeah. thought i'd share :D

____________________________________________________________________






we all get lost sometimes. i lived my entire life feeling somewhat lost.



i like to think its not what makes us weak willed or less determined, it just makes us all too human.




maybe its not about giving in, its about giving.


because when you finally surrender, you forget what you were fighting for in the first place.






why move time so pass?

horizontally vertical.

hahahaahahahahaa OMG I'M LAUGHING AT NERD JOKES.

you know what they say about crossing the line, over to the dark side? the threshold of matahari IS that line.
____________________________________________________________________


extract from yy's blogpost:

" fine pen ! have sex with the pink pencil! well, i wanna fuck jason mraz! "
Says Soon yi to her cheating pen. ( i know! whats wrong with her right! :B)

I PLEAD OUTRIGHT SLANDER! if you were there, you'd agree that i was the sane one in the conversation.

like, seriously.

i swear!



yy: i wonder what its like being crazy.
soons: what do you mean, you wonder?
yy: screw you.

* * *

yy: well i think crazy people are happy. i think it would be nice to be crazy.
soons: yeah but only if i get to be the "*in a dazed, blank eyed way* the birds are unicorns and the sky is green" kinda crazy, not the 'they're out to GET me, i tell you!" kinda crazy.
yy: HIGH FIVE GIRLFRIEND.


don't judge, you're no better.


* * *

extract from 'the MANY bimbos in my life', season 83, episode 859, part 3a(i) yes there are that many episodes.

nic puts head on table, cheek down.
nic tips trophy on table, trophy lies sideways on table. nic stares at said trophy.

nic: look, its standing!
soons: ... *wtf face*

soons places trophy upright again.

soons: oh no, it fell.

that's all for today folks, tune in tomorrow, there's SO much more where that came from.

____________________________________________________________________




















because perspectives are flip sides of the same coin.







so flip the damn coin over, before you speak.